Clarity

By Loise Munjiru

All those times I got knocked down, I tried to look for someone to blame. But the truth is that it was not my fault. I was wrong because it was me that sold myself short and let you all judge me.

It was I that painted that picture in their minds that I was weak. I made their insults hurt me when they shouldn’t have. I gave them the power over my mind each time I let their mean words get to me demeaning everything I stand for. Every single time they spit their venom, I let it weaken me. Even when I was right it felt wrong. Speaking up became a problem when they stared at me. I indeed gave them too much importance.

Now, this is me, I am back to claim my mind. That way of thinking I’d let them shut off. To all those who tried to shut me out of my life, well, I’ve got bad news. I can shout now, this is my life! It’s time to claim what I lost because I was scared that you would hate me. Right now I’m asking myself why I cared what you thought. Why? Why did I feel that you couldn’t be wrong? Why did you make me feel that I was never enough? Come to think about it, were you fighting your battles through me? Right now all that matters is that I know who and what I am capable of. I am victorious because finally, I can smile again. Finally, I am me. Life is beautiful again. My voice is loud again because now I have clarity.

All those people who tried to take respect from me, you should have tried to earn it instead. Then maybe we still are friends. All that time I let you create misunderstandings are now in the past. You didn’t give me the chance to choose me because I would have known your secrets. But it wasn’t too late for me, thank heavens. I see it now. Finally, my light is shining again, lighting up all the shadow of a doubt you’d cast on me. All that hated you made me harbor for you has turned into love. Yes, love. I fell in love with life again.

Remember that you were trying to take away my spark. You troubled me because I was quiet. You thought I was a fool. Maybe I was then for believing I was what you said. But now I know better because I have grown. Besides, life is beautiful when you aren’t holding on to the past. I forgive you and myself for not standing up for my beliefs. Thank you for being a lesson. You all taught me to rise above every bad situation. For all the pain you put me through I forgive you. You made me ask destiny why so many times. Why did I feel sad and couldn’t say anything? Why was it that fate only showed me subject all that doubt?

Now it’s clear that destiny knows what’s meant to be. I am smiling now wider than before. So am grateful for everything life has made me experience.