In a world where you can be anything, be kind to yourself…
Linda Apollo
It is me again. It is been a minute since I last checked up on you. How have you been? I guess my attention has been somewhere else. Somewhere in the clouds, somewhere in the mountains, somewhere in the seas, literally everywhere but with you. I know I have been distant, nonexistent, I ghosted on you. I realize I left you cold, alone, and neglected. I figure my energy has been misplaced. Focusing more on others, when you deserve so much attention as I give them. Warming up to others, when you deserve as much love as I give them. It is so easy to ask if everyone is doing good but really hard to approach yourself with the same question and maybe that is why I have held off on talking to you for so long. Perhaps the deeper I look in, the more I will realize that I have forgotten about you. That all this time, I have been using people as distractions to avoid tending to you. That all this time, the guilt of leaving you manifested in the way I behaved. I have ignored the signs but played to the tune of insecurity, turning the volume louder and louder until I could not hear you anymore. But here I am, vulnerable, optimistic, honest, telling you that I apologize for forgetting about you and that I am ready to love you again.
I promise to be strong, be kind, be free. To do the things that make you proud of me. I will surround you with people who bring out your best qualities and distance you from people who do the opposite. I promise to be true to you and true to your morals. I will stand up for you. I will not let people take advantage of your kindness and soft heart. I will not allow you to take less than you deserve from people and do not dare put yourself down. Believe in yourself and believe in your journey. I will be good to you. I will be unapologetic for giving you what you deserve. I will embrace your imperfection. I accept the fact that when you grow, sometimes you lose people and that is okay. I will celebrate your every success and learn from your failures. And most importantly, I will never, ever let anything stand in the way of the person you are becoming.
Forgive me for giving your heart to those who could not love it or value it. Forgive me for falling for the wrong people. It is okay for taking your love back, for outgrowing certain people in your life, for all the moments you had to protect your energy, for the ways in which you had to let go of someone you deeply wanted to hold on to. I will be gentle with you. I hope you remember that not one drop of your self-worth depends on their acceptance of you. I will love you incredibly well and make your healing a top priority, follow through on your goals, and will not worry about how others will react to that level of focused energy. Because at the end of it all, you are all I have.
I know it is hard to close your heart off to all that it sees in another person but in walking away, you will learn how to pour all of the love that you were giving to the wrong person back to yourself. You will learn how to pour into your growth, into your art, and into your hope. You will learn how to stand up for your feeling, how to stand up for their value. And when you learn that you deserve to be loved, without having to beg for that love, without having to chase that love down, you open yourself to the kind of beauty that chooses you just as freely as you choose it. You open yourself to the kind of people who see you and immediately know that you are a rare and beautiful thing. You open yourself to new beginnings, to a future that unfolds in ways that do not hurt or break you down but rather, build you up and show you just how worthy you are of having your heart held.
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