My Kind of Love

Tell me … how do you want to be loved? “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It’s not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings.”

By Linda Apollo

I was recently asked how I want to be loved. I have really struggled to answer this. Growing up love was shown to me through my caregivers’ ability to provide. See the fact that I had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, access to education and food on my table was the basis of me being loved.

Now that I am an adult, I have learnt that love is bigger than what I was programmed to believe. They say that you can never pour from an empty cup. Question is, who fills the cup of those who feel empty inside? How do you love someone who is struggling to love themselves?

          “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It’s not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings.”

I am always not patient or kind with myself. Most days I struggle loving myself. I keep a record of my flaws and mistakes. The first step to love me is to help me love myself yet I feel that’s my responsibility, not yours. I struggle with opening up to those who want to help me. Those who want to love me.

I want a love that inspires me to be the best person I can be. A love that makes me see humanity in myself and others. A love that leads to growth. Spiritual growth, emotional growth, financial growth. An empowering kind of love. The kind of love that brings light to the darkest parts of my soul. A love that reminds me that I am good enough. A love that shatters the guilt and shame that is holding me back from freedom. I am still discovering what love means to me but also dismantle what was programmed in me as love.

I want a love that helps me strengthen my relationship with God.A love that believes in me. A love that supports me. A love that is proud of me. A love that allows me to be vulnerable. That shows me that I deserve love even when I feel worthless.

I want to say that the first step in how to love me is to help me live myself, yet I feel that this should be a responsibility that I take on alone.

A love that loves deeply without holding back. A love that goes all in and does not let the past hurt from holding them from finding new love. A love that builds my restless heart a safe space within their own. A love that won’t fade simply because we are angry.

I want a love that is capable of turning even the messiest parts of life into lessons instead of reasons to leave. A love that ruthlessly encourages my mind and talent every moment I question my purpose.

Most importantly, I want a love that makes effort, that stretches far beyond passive convince. A love that genuinely fills my life with wonder and foundation and the kind of hope that spills out of me and everything I do.

Someone that teaches me that love can be rediscovered, reimagined, transformed into something honest and gracious. A love that shows me it it okay to have faith in the heart of another.

I am still discovering what love means to me, but it is a battle to dismantle what I think love means to me.

Tell me Jabali, how do you want to be loved?