One long second

 

By Linda Apollo

That moment before everything changes. That long second. You laugh with your friend at how ridiculous you look with the frames you want to purchase. The vendor is looking at you amusingly. The old mirror reflecting your big grin and a huge pimple above your upper lip that just won’t go away. 

Your friend makes a silly joke about your indecisiveness while you make funny faces still staring at the mirror. The rain on your skin. The morning fresh breeze is brushing on your face. You are fully absorbed at this moment, at this nothingness or perhaps ‘somethingness.’ See this moment, hold onto it for a se one longer. Freeze it. Pause. Take it all in.

Before you know it, you’re out of breath. Your hand on your chest. You’re gasping for air. The old mirror is shattered beneath you; thousands and thousands of broken pieces. Like your heart. Like this moment. You’re sweating. You’re shivering. Your heart is palpating. You’re losing control. Your friend is nudging you vehemently. He asks what is wrong. 

The vendor is petrified. He takes a step back, slowly, while still asking you whether you are okay. He doesn’t want to seem like a coward. He cares. He is empathetic. People start to notice. Someone is asking someone to call for an ambulance . Who is this someone though?

There is that moment before everything changes. Loud sirens. Silent weeping of your friend holding your hand. A machine beeping besides you. Constricted space. YOU.CANNOT.BREATHE. You’re wheeled into the hospital. There is a lot of movement. A lot of whispers. A blurred sight of your friend talking to the doctor while tearing a lot more. Darkness. Blurred sight. More beeping machines. Blurred sight again. Total darkness.

There is that moment before everything changes. That long second. That oblivion. Unfreeze the moment now. Can you see it? The pure joy? The hearty smile? The friendly touch? The silly actions? That one annoying pimple above your upper lip that just won’t go away? Wouldn’t you do anything to just pause that moment and take it all in? Feel the bliss?. Appreciate the morning sunshine. Fall in love with the afternoon rain? Laugh a little louder? Hug your friend tighter. Love deeper. 

Spend money. Change your hairstyle. Be strong. Be patient. Get drunk if you want to, but not on the weekend. Buy that chocolate bar that you’re craving for. Take hot baths. Write. Find a friend who will listen to you and don’t stop until you find it. Take that trip. Buy that dress. Get that damn tattoo. Adore your body. 

Shave, for yourself .Fall in love.  Book flights for your next holiday. Write this day down. Write it all down. Cry. Learn to be in silence. Learn to stand being alone. Drink lots of coffee. Spend a weekend alone. Eat chocolate while watching reality tv shows. Meditate. Stretch. Buy overpriced coffee.

There is that moment before everything changes. It could be this one long second right now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Maybe, just maybe, you should take it all in.