Parents And Depression

“I need help but I don’t want my family to know.”

This is one of the most heartbreaking things you’ll hear someone say. It says a lot about the person, what they are going through, their relationship with the family and especially their parents. Young people are afraid of speaking up about their struggles and depression. They are scared of how their parents will react. It’s messed up!

This generation is full of happy faces with sad eyes. They are so good at hiding what they are going through so we can’t entirely blame the parents. They are not angels to know what you are going through without you opening up.

What if the parents would actually listen and help them get the help, they so much need? What if they would be supportive? What if you speaking up would be a wake-up call for them? What if? Family on the other hand could be playing a role in the problem itself.

Our parents seem blinded on how much they play a role in facilitating mental health challenges amongst their children.

Take a look at some of the ways in which parents unknowingly and unintentionally cause unnecessary struggle, hopelessness and pain.

Absent parents

They are always busy with something. It’s either they are too busy working or fighting each other, busy with their business, or traveling. They rarely have time for their kids.

They have left the job of parenting to their house helps. Yes, we acknowledge the fact that you are providing for their basic needed but what about the kids emotional and psychological connection and support that they need?

Most times the first borns are pushed to being deputy parents, they are pushed to take up responsibilities bigger than their own age so as to cover for their parent’s absenteeism.

Comparing your children with other children

The worst is sibling comparison. Parents forget that children are not the same. We are built differently. We experience different things the same way and the same things differently.

We could have been born in the same period of time, went to the same schools, lived in the same neighborhood our whole lives and yet we still perform differently and have different opinions. We are different. That’s how things are.

Parents tend to make this mistake to always compare the kids. It could be academic wise, discipline wise, life achievements, anything and everything. Unknowingly, this is how they mess up with their kids’ self-esteem from a very young age.

Forcing their opinions and beliefs on their children

“A real woman knows how to cook; a real woman is up early to prepare breakfast for the husband.”  What if the husband is not a breakfast person? What if she’s not a morning person? Does that make her a lesser woman? What if your daughter is industrious in other ways other that the kitchen?

It’s wrong to force kids to think in a certain way. The best a parent can do is advise. Let your kids fly. If they land in a tree, they’ll come back to you crying, seeking your guidance. Still don’t cut off their wings.  Guide and pray for them.

Living your dreams through your children

This happens in so many ways. For instance, because you never got to be a lawyer, you want your child to be a lawyer. You brush off their dreams.

What if all they ever wanted to be was a writer? An artist? What happens to their dreams? Sometimes all parents need to do is show support. One becomes more confident when they know they have the support and blessings of their parents.

Parents who are too proud to admit their mistakes

Parents make a lot of sacrifices to ensure that their kids have the best in life. We cannot ignore or erase their efforts. We are all flawed human beings and sometimes parents ignore their own mistakes despite them having a great impact on their children.

They wouldn’t accept when they demoralize and publicly embarrass their kids. As a result, kids may end up thinking that accepting mistakes is a sign of weakness and so they follow in the steps of their parents. Acknowledging and asking for forgiveness from your children for your mistakes doesn’t make you a lesser parent.

We love and respect our parents so much but it’s high time that we said it out loud. Many are the reason for their kids’ depression. They play a role in silencing the screams and outcries of their kids.

It’s time we are open about these things and maybe just maybe we may end up having a difference in the relationships parents and their kids are having.