Sip Water, Keep It in The Mouth and Make Sure You Don’t Swallow It, Counsellor Advices Couples Amid Increased Domestic Violence

“He had actually beaten her so bad; she was bleeding and so by the time she was calling me, and when I was getting there it was bad, we even had to take her to hospital.” 

These are the words of a forty-year-old mother of four who has been offering support to families going through gender-based violence in Kenya. She has shared her contacts with various groups of people in the country to allow easy access at their most time of need. 

Born and raised in Nyahururu, Central Kenya, Majorine Wanjiru says she had lots of challenges which gave her a desire to study a career that could help her offer support to people going through the same today. She is a counsellor by profession and has been practicing this since 2015. The most overwhelming time in her career has been during the COVID-19 pandemic when lockdown, curfew, and job losses have led to disagreements between most couples. 

“Most of the calls I receive at night by women screaming and yelling,” Says Majorine “The best I do is to offer them a shoulder to lean on by allowing them to talk and by the time they are done, automatically they calm down because that is the only thing they need at that particular time,” She narrates

Wanjiru who now stays with her family in Ngong area Nairobi, attributes her strength to the support she gets from her husband, she admits that handling gender-based violence involving couples is a tough call. 

“Mostly I first meet the lady because I listen to them individually before I bring them together so that they know when to talk, listen and respond so that they don’t fight back and as a counsellor I understand them because that is the situation they are in at that moment,” She adds. 

Wanjiru says in the future he would want to be a motivational speaker “Violence between couples has really increased at times. I tell them to take a sip of water, keep it in their mouth and make sure you don’t swallow it, when there is an argument that’s when things escalate.”  

Counselors do not offer advice or solutions to challenges people go through, instead they suggest and help them get inner peace by working within themselves, even though one seems not to be in a position. 

“In case there is violence, a separation is really advisable, where this is not possible decision is made in the best interest of the children” She notes 

Even though children might not physically be abused when their parents fight, Wanjiru says when either of the parents is going through such a situation it automatically affects children in one way or the other.

Gender based violence cases affect both women and men. In Embakasi, far East of Nairobi, officer working at a non-governmental organization in Mukuru informal settlements, Anastacia Wakwanya cites a case reported in their office;

“We have a short message platform where a survivor reported that he was sexually violated by a police officer who is a lady, actually during this COVID-19 era and he was so scared. When I called him, he admitted having been in a relationship with the lady sometimes back, we helped him get treatment. He was not ready to report the case”  

Situated in the middle of informal settlement, Ruben Centre is easily accessible by locals. Staff here help survivors get treatment, medication, and psychosocial support at specific hospitals where they are treated with dignity

“During this COVID-19 we have been receiving sexual and domestic violence cases, with the latter being the more rampant,” adds Wakwanya “For sexual violence we encourage that it is important for the survivor to go to the hospital before 72 hours are over, past that either the person gets pregnant if it’s a lady or chances for them to get diseases like sexually transmitted infections is very high.”  Says a social worker.

Kenya has The Protection Law against domestic violence enacted in 2015. It provides for the protection of members within a domestic setting. Program analyst on ending violence against women and girls at UN WOMEN, describes this law as more of a protective order:

“If someone is threatened or is in an abusive relationship they could actually ask for protection from the authority so that either they are removed from that setting or the person who is abusive in that relationship is removed to give other members in that domestic setting their guaranteed safety,” notes Wangechi Grace.  

While discussions are ongoing to ensure the country works on development of a regulation to ease implementation of an act of parliament, Grace adds that UN WOMEN works to ensure the prevention and response to gender based violence to make sure that society is free of all kinds of violence.

“People living within a domestic setting should settle their conflicts in an amicable way and avoid all forms of violence. Families, individuals in any given setting should work at resolving conflicts but also live in respectful relationships so that then we promote a society that is free from all forms of violence.”  

Kenya recorded a seven percent increase in the number of all forms of violence incidence from March to June 2020 since the beginning of the pandemic, compared to a similar period the previous year. 

Speaking in one of the daily press briefings in July, Chief administrative secretary in the health ministry, Dr Mercy Mwangangi, reminded people that measures put in place to minimize the spread of Coronavirus, do not at all justify any violence being meted on innocent members of the society especially women and children.

“The increase in violence cases predominantly gender based one has been witnessed globally,” said Dr Mwangangi; “Unemployment, the inability to provide for families, the economic uncertainty that we are  facing may have added extra strain and heightened anxiety among families however, again we do repeat that this is not an excuse to mete any form of violence on anyone and it is in this consideration in terms of the issues we have laid out that we have instituted measures to mitigate social evils and so we continue to encourage members of the public to ensure that we take advantage of these measures to caution themselves,” she concluded.